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morela12
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2010년 10월 21일
Wow, i just read through all of my old posts and it's crazy to think that i'm back starting it all over again! Sheesh, what's wrong with me???
I started again on October 16th with the ALLI, and it's such a huge help to me. It's really helped me to put food in perspective and i manage what i put into my mouth so much better. There's like a line that i cannot cross, and i'm actually paying attention to it. No more excuses of "i'll just start tomorrow" or "it doesn't matter that much if i go off plan". NO, it's "stick with it today because you have to".
I've been reading so many other people's journals and weight loss paths and it's clear to me that i need about 5-6 months (if all goes well) of really dedicating myself to a plan, to see the results i want. I've only given it maybe a week (a month at MOST!) before, and this just can't possibly get me far enough. It has to be a bigger commitment for a longer period of time, so i can make it over bumps and come out triumphant. I haven't thought about it like this before, it's always been day to day, not do it for 5 months and then reevaluate. That's certainly easier said than done, but i do feel so much better when i'm on plan and making progress.
I'm sick of feeling defeated. I'm tired of feeling like i can't ever do this. Why do i feel like i don't deserve to have a great looking body and great self confidence?
I think this is the biggest thing. I was reading in someone's journal about something that just clicked with me. This girl was saying that she feels that if she loses the weight, then she'll have to be the best she can be. Almost like the weight allows her to be second best at other things in her life too. And it's scary to think that once the weight is off, then life will be better and no more excuses. This is so true for me. I have a great career, life is in order, great family and friends. But i never strive to be the best at anything. I don't really go out anymore because staying home is so much safer to my self confidence. It's just easy to stay in the same spot in my life. Day to day nothing changes. And i'm scared that if i lose the weight, i'll have to start doing all these things that will make my life better.
It's crazy to think that i'm actually hiding behind my weight. I've never thought of it like this before. Am i too scared to be completely happy in life????
Ok, enough rambling...but i wanted to be able to look back and read this and say "yes, i do deserve to not hide behind myself anymore, i DID IT!"...
We shall see. :-)
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2010년 10월 13일
Here i go....AGAIN!!!!!!! :-(
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2010년 08월 17일
So this weekend I ate way too much!!! It was all fairly healthy food, just far too much of it. Ugh! Friends were in town and i just got off of my path.
Back on today though...and I'm actually excited to get back on track, as it has been rewarding to see the scale go down slowly, but at least it's going in the right direction. It's also fun to see my body change (again, slowly), but my stomach doesn't stick out as much when it's not super full. :-)
So yes, at least this proves that i can get off track briefly and get right back on. Here's to hoping!
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2010년 08월 13일
I feel like it might be getting a bit easier. I certainly find myself thinking about food less than i was. Another weekend is here (today's Friday), and i'm a bit nervous heading into it, wondering if i'll be able to stick with my diet. I know that taking diet pills isn't the answer, but the Alli really is keeping eating at the forefront of my mind, in the sense that i don't allow myself to go overboard, i'm actually conscious of what's going into my mouth. This is something i've really never done before.
I'm hoping this weekend is good and that i'm able to get some exercise and stick to my diet. It's going to be in the 90's, and i'm sooo not looking forward to the heat! :-)
Here's to continuing the journey...
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2010년 08월 12일
Tomorrow will be one full week on this "journey". I say journey because that's for sure what it is!!! It definitely has its ups and downs and twists and turns.
It's getting easier to say no to things and to plan better as to not find myself only having fatty/unhealthy foods in front of me. I think about what i WAS eating and if i could eat all of that again. I think at this point it would make me sick, but i'm sure i could get used to it again. That's what scares me. I can't let my love of food control my life. I just can't!!!
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