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2009년 04월 17일

체중: 지금까지 감소한: 남은양: 다이어트 실행도:
73.0 kg 22.2 kg 7.3 kg 합리적
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2009년 04월 15일

Its Wednesday

Already?!

And its the 15th of April. We're half way through april? WHAT?
Wow, is it just me, or does time seem to be just FLLLLYYYYIINNNGGGGGGG by?

On one hand I am relieved. More time passed= closer to summer, and closer to things changing.

On the other hand, I feel like time is just whisking past me and I am getting left behind. I feel like I am getting nowhere; like I am running, running and running but suddenly realize that I am standing still as everything just passes me up. Arrrrggghhh!

Well, anyways, no use stressing over it. I have done enough stressing. In fact, I have had so much stress in the past few months that guess what happened? I had a capillary vein burst in my cheek! YEAH! I can imagine your face as your reading this right now... that was my reaction, too.
Went to the dermatologist and she took care of it. It was painful, but all worth it. And the doctor did it for free (this lady was an angel, and I am totally sending good karma vibes her way).

But anyways, a lot was going through my head as I walked out of the doctor's office. More reinforced positive self-talk, if you will.

The last two days havent been significantly less stressful, but I have been able to deal with the stress so much better because I have gotten my eating semi-back on track. I feel so much calmer, better and have more energy, so I am able to react to everything appropriately, instead of feeling apathetic and lethargic like I did over the weekend.

I am going to try as hard as I can to just get along with my mom, ignore her ridiculous comments about my eating/body, and when possible, i will speak up so that I can make peace with her.

Well, I hope that plan works.

I want to be a better person all-around. More specifically a calmer and happier person.
Eating healthfully + exercising = losing weight, which definitely make me happy.

2009년 04월 13일

Its Monday

Ugghh... I was not home friday, or saturday at all! My weekend was ridiculous!!!!! RE-DICK-YOU-LUS, I tell you.
I lost track of everything I ate, and now I dont even remember.
I know there was a lot of crap in there. Damn it.

I had to eat fast food chinese because it was the only thing available. Junk food was all around me, and normally it would not have been a problem to decline it. But I just didnt care and I pigged out the whole weekend. I cant believe I let thursday night derail me. I totally bombed it :[
The ironic thing is, I did perfect at dinner at Red Lobster! I even ate dessert, but only ate until I was satisfied, leaving half of the chocolate chip lava cookie that I ordered. (So worth it, because I actually enjoyed it by not over eating!)
But when I got home at 2 am I was hungry again, and didnt want to go to bed until I got something I had been craving all day- trail mix.
That derailed me!

Uggghhhhh! Then I ate perfectly fine all of friday, until dinner, when I had to eat shitty chinese food. (normally I like chinese food, but not this kind). On satuday I did fine, as well, until yet again the evening, when my brother insisted that I try some easter candy, some of the brownies he got, and some chunky monkey B&J ice cream. I couldnt say no to the chunky monkey. Gaaawwwdddd!

On a positive note, Easter dinner wasnt all that bad because we didnt have all the trimmings like a normal easter because my mom was unable to have them.
So no deviled eggs, potato salad, ham, green bean casserole, etc.
We had chicken. Haha It was honestly just like a normal dinner.

Food aside, between running my usual errands, I have been to the doctor's/urgent care/hospital about 5 times in four days because someone in my family has been sick/injured at least once this weekend. My dad's back went out and I had to take him to the doctors friday. I was only home for ten minutes on Friday afternoon before my youngest brother dropped and broke a plate on his foot and we had to take him in to see if it was broken. My dad came along and caught bronchitis while there. My other brother has the flu, so on saturday I took him into an urgent care. Oh, my middle brother didnt go to the doctors but he came along anyways on saturday so I could take him out to walmart. And my mom has been her usual self.


So today I began to eat normal again. I feel very lethargic from all the grossness I have put into my body over the past four days.
I am going to feel better tomorrow, and hopefully find some time to work out. I hope so, because I really want to feel better.

2009년 04월 10일

체중: 지금까지 감소한: 남은양: 다이어트 실행도:
73.0 kg 22.2 kg 7.3 kg 합리적
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2009년 04월 9일

As promised... iiiitttsssss PICTURE TIME!

Okay, I should probably be posting before/after body shots, but I think I will hold off on those until I am 100% comfortable with my body. I am still very much a work-in-progress.
Plus, i need someone to take a full body picture of me, and my usual camera man was not available today. lol
I guess these pictures will do. This is the oldest picture I can find of me. I remember weighing 283 in September 2006, and between then and spring of 07, I'd lost about 20 pounds.
As I said in my earlier journal, I have come a long way, and I think this will give me a more real perspective on the issue.
I'm a very visual person haha
So, ladies, and the occasional gent that may be reading my journals....

This is a picture of me in may of 2007. I was 18.
It was very, VERY hot that day, so my hair is less than perfect, and it was black and brown for prom. I was wearing chunky facial jewelry- ewe! lol I am glad I have grown up, even just a little.



(roughly 260)




And this is me, today, april 8th 2009. Almost two years later. Complete with red hair!


(roughly 160? Okay, okay... just one pound to go!)


When I look in the mirror, i still see myself as the 283 pound version. But, I know she's not here anymore. Somehow I need to let my subconscious know that.



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