Newoutlook님의 저널

19중 16에서 19
페이지:   이전  1   2   3   4

2010년 11월 16일

Just wanting to relate my feelings to paper right now.(digital anyway) For the last 2 or more hours I have been going through my closet. I have kept every pair of pants I have had for years because there is a size 11 down to the size I am now.....22. I just feel so down. How did it ever get this bad? I thought I was fat at size 11/12 and I look at myself now. (But for the time I was just fine..a little chubby but fine)Just so depressing.

Years I have been doing the wrong stuff and let people eat at my self esteem and tell me I am fat. (ugly..etc) All that time was spent on feeding my feelings, trying to starve myself, and then trying to cover up my body like a nun.When really all that stuff was setting me back more than I ever knew. The clothes I have kept was always for the reason "I will lose some weight and wear those jeans again." Its been ever since I reached puberty and have been struggling mainly through high school.

Just ugh no more doubts, excuses, and self loathing because Im not the ideal woman. I don't want to feel this down...I don't want to feel its all for none. It was my fault it got this bad and I am disgusted at myself. All I can do think to do is push on even more.

I think maybe I need a membership to a gym. Maybe it will make me feel like I have to. The only thing is I am very very self conscious. Instead of concentrating on myself getting fit it's on my self image. Every one at those gyms are usually filled with others so fit and I feel like a joke. (I know im not a joke but I can't reason with myself with it has to do with feeling inadequate.)

2010년 11월 10일

(More of a note to myself but the chili I ate was homemade and has 174 calories per 6oz.)

Meh I hate fudging on this a bit but when you make by a 4 quart pot its hard to measure how much of what you got. So I tried to get as close calorie wise as I could with the chili because its more vegies and beans than any meat.

Yeah not feeling well my mom made her chili she makes for cold weather to share with my family. Like when I say make (its like a whole big pot of yummy chili) It makes 21 servings according to our 6oz bowls. So yea a lot.

Right now just having a slight cold trying to keep mostly liquids in me. I think it just hit me and I hope it doesn't hurt me but I have been being good. Just cant exercise and drip at the nose at the same time. That all with a fever will make me more miserable and sick ugh.

Any way hoping to get at it. Stupid things keep slowing me down. I am watching a little more what I eat. Trying to keep it 1,400 and 1,500 calories. I think that's a good happy.

2010년 11월 7일

Since I have been recording my food journal in here as well I have a little more awareness. The reading of the percentile of protein, fats, and carbs have me seeing most of what I eat is carbs. Just mainly reading what I do eat is like "wow I never realized about the carb count". Luckily I am not on that kind of diet. I just love my breads and fruits. However I think I do need a lot more protein to round myself out.

Right now I am trying to drink water more frequent and cut out the pop. Usually I have one a day but today I had two. Ekk it's about one of the worst things to have I know. Well not quite the worst for me. The worst I can do is put splenda in my body for a substitute.

(There was so many bad reactions to me drinking that diet stuff that I haven't touched it since. It started out with me dieting in high-school and using diet soda. At first everything was okay but after a while I got these throbbing stress like headaches. On top of it my appetite was increased.For a while I couldn't be around light because of the sickening pain. Those headaches turned out to be migraines. I had to get prescribed meds for it. When I mentioned I drunk diet soda my doctor he told me to get off of it.Once I did the headaches went away. I have read some articles on it and well I believe them. If its just me then well its a food allergy and I just can't do it. All I know is its personally bad for me. So if its sugar it has to be cane sugar or fruit sugar.Gosh what a rant.)

Anyways not working out too much right now. Trying to get a few workout tapes/dvds to do. For the most part I am positive right now. Just have to watch myself a couple of months from now. I always have my brain try to get me out of things. I always doubt myself when it comes to this stuff. Not right now just got this account writing my meals/tracking calories plus a home journal. I am keeping focused and organized.(more so than any time before)

I wish luck to everybody in their struggles for loss or gain. Any one who reads this we are all in it to win it. Corny statement but hey it's true.

2010년 11월 5일

I just decided that I need a change in myself. I am 22 and I am tired of feeling so much older. I want to feel good and I certainly want to look better. It couldn't hurt to help me gain confidence in myself. I really have a long road ahead. First thing I am doing is counting calories and accessing my diet to see what I need to add and take out.

I have several mini goals set out that I do want to meet. I want to lose a little over 20 pounds.(which will be a pant size for me)To do this I plan on cutting at least 250 calories from my daily recommended calories (the cal i already need to stay this weight). Then I will exercise 3 to 5 times a week (30-60 mins). Two of those days will be strength training because I read it helps your metabolism. That will be one day on two off.

I am all new at this but I have been thinking about this forever. It's time to stop thinking and start doing. Just that what it is.
체중: 지금까지 감소한: 남은양: 다이어트 실행도:
118.8 kg 0 kg 50.8 kg 적용하지않음


Newoutlook님의 체중기록


앱 다운로드
    
© 2024 FatSecret. 판권소유