girlygirlatheart님의 저널

197중 26에서 30

페이지: 이전 ... 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 다음

2009년 07월 23일

체중:	지금까지 감소한:	남은양:	다이어트 실행도:
83.5 kg	11.8 kg	17.7 kg	합리적

(4개의 댓글) 주 1.3 kg 감소하기

2009년 07월 18일

This morning I woke up and I am on my period!
YAY!
I have no had one since october of 08 due to calorie deficiency. But since I have been eating whatever I want for the last 2 months and gained 20 pounds back (WHICH I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT AT ALL!) my body is able to menstruate.

I'm pretty happy, because now I know I can lose weight in a healthy way. But its actually going to be pretty hard for me to keep up with 1300 calories a day. I'm weird.
I'm either too strict or too lenient with myself.

But in other news, while my internet was not available, things were the same as always. My mom and I are getting along on-and-off. It just depends on what mood shes in, or if she is obsessed with cars, money, etc, or if she can be reasonable.
At the moment, we're getting along, but it was my dad's birthday yesterday, so, everyone was really nice to each other for his sake.

My counselor suggested I start making plans to move out. And I really, really want t because its impossible for me to achieve any of my goals living in my house! I cant lose anymore weight if I am here. My mom has me helping her all the time, she comes in and talks to me all the time, and I can never make my own routine, schedule or decisions anymore. My mom promised me I would be able to go to school in august, but now shes told me we cant afford it all because she has to trade in one of our cars. Even if she did, she could still afford it.
So i asked her if I could get a job, and she insists I shouldnt even try because no one will hire me due to the conditions of the economy.

Its always one excuse after another. I cant take it anymore. I'm seriously at my wits end, my brain is fried, and I have gained 20 pounds. The twenty pounds is the least of my problems right now and thats really saying something. Because usually, I would be absolutely distraught.
But weight loss is on the back burner. Its just way, way too stressful right now.

I feel kind of hopeless. I have no job, no money, no way of moving out of my house. But I NEED TO!

So, while my internet was shot, I started writing again out of boredom. I used to write all the time in high school because I was on the newspaper staff and my instructor was also an English teacher and taught a creative writing class. To my recollections, she thought I was a decent writer.
And then I got an idea.

I'm going to write a book. I know, I know, Its such a long shot. But I want to at least try.
I recently read "conversations with the fat girl" my Liza Palmer, and I was very inspired. It made me feel a lot better, and I told myself, "If this book gave me hope, I want to give some other silly little girl (like me) out there some hope."
Plus, maybe I can make a living out of it. We all need to pay the bills!
I sure hope so because I need change so badly. I really need to carve my own path.

(3개의 댓글)

2009년 07월 13일

OMG. Oh. My. God.

OH MY GOOOODDDDD!!!!!!!

I'm back :D

Long story short- internet was cut from the family budget. In these hard economic times, sacrifices have to be made.
Oh boo to that.

Without internet, I've been bored out of my little mind.
*scrunches face*

So buddies did you miss me? I missed you, very much :]
I really need to get back on track now.
More of an update coming soon!

(2개의 댓글)

2009년 07월 13일

I fractured my toe, and havent worked out in a whole 5 weeks. I had no internet or TV so I sat around and ate Ben and Jerrys and crappy food. I swear ALL I WANTED was junk food. I gained 20 pounds in like, a month. Oi, i know, i know. so not cool

체중:	지금까지 감소한:	남은양:	다이어트 실행도:
85.3 kg	10.0 kg	19.5 kg	잘 따르지 않음

(2개의 댓글) 주 2.0 kg 증가하기

2009년 06월 12일

its friday.

wooooo! hurray for the weekend! especially this weekend. because I'll be burning tons of calories! My dad is home and he is helping me and my brothers clean the house. And I'm talking hardcore cleaning, too.

Last night was not a good night... ugh. Okay, *sets the scene*...
I'm running on the treadmill, when I hear the door bell ring. My dad answers and its social services. Apparently, my brothers homeschooling program called them because his teacher thought him, my 15 year old brother, and my mother(!!!?) had poor hygiene.
The lady brought a nurse, who checked my 12 and 15 year old brother for lice... but they just have dandruff. They even told my dad that their teachers complained that every time they saw my mom, she displayed poor hygiene.

I felt so embarrassed for my mom... honestly, to have someone tell you they think your kids are being neglected and that you have b.o...
thats awful. My brothers are certainly not neglected. They are just not disciplined. And my mom... she doesnt think shes done anything wrong. I feel terrible for her.

Last night she started raging and claiming 'everyone blamed everything on her'. Thats not true. No one said a word to suggest that, and she was the only one upset and yelling.
She was going to leave again last night. I'm honestly more annoyed with her than hurt or angry, but my feelings are still mixed with empathy and love. thats probably the only thing keeping me from telling her off.

I felt like absolute dog shit last night, both physically and especially emotionally from being yelled at by my mom. I think I started to binge, but stopped myself. At dinner, I was so scared I was going to eat too much and get sick and depressed and just want to eat more. We had chicken Parmesan, which is a BIG comfort food for me.... anything with saucy pasta, chicken and oh we had a side of rustic rolls from a local stores bakery. I didnt want to chance it. I just skipped it and opted for something lighter. I felt much better, despite all the chaos I was enveloped in. My mom even made a comment about my weight while social services was there. Seriously, what the hell? When she turned around, I gave her the bird. >.>

But I didnt binge. I didnt purge. I took a really big step, made conscious effort, and feel in control.
YAY!
Okay, off to burn some heavy duty calories. The rest of you better relax over the weekend :p

(5개의 댓글)

girlygirlatheart님의 체중기록

전체 내역보기