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Been doing horribly not even going to sugar coat this. HORRIBLE.
Not that I have gained or anything. I have just fallen off the wagon and have been left back miles ago (even though its a slow horse). Just been stuck at this.
Ever since my sis in law died. (Pretty much the glue for my close family and was like a bigger sis to me....Feeling little lost. She was a motivator. That's for whom i wanted to get involved in weight loss. She was such a positive influence.Her job got in the way stressed her made her too tired to work out. Just wanted us to all get better...to feel better. Didn't even have a chance to even say goodbye. My brother and her just had their anniversary.)
She was a wonderful giving woman. Someone who gave time to people. Stuck her neck out for you and gave you the very shirt on her back just to know your okay. She found little things in everyone to make them feel good about themselves. She found strength in others when others just found weaknesses. She was truely a good soul.
It's hard to think about anything else. Much less myself when everybody else has their problems. (Not to mention im the youngest and im seen as less experienced in matters. I try to help with my very stubborn (other) sis in law. I love her to death and all but she will say it is healthy to do one thing then do the opposite. i.e. I will eat roasted oven squash and love it. Meanwhile i tell her it is yummy. Then she will go get squash pan fry it in BACONFAT.(my bro and her are overweight with cholesterol problems and blood pressure issues.) Don't get me wrong i am no means perfect OBVIOUSLY. But you just have to know her. Shes lovely and im rambling but that's the idea.
So...I just let myself fall. Depression.It's great... I'm pretty sure thats what it is since i don't even feel like going outside anymore or doing normal functions.
I feel as if I need to wake up out of this horrid nightmare. It just feels like a losing battle.
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