FocacciaBread님의 저널, 2021년 06월 11일

Non-scale victory today:

I needed some summer-appropriate clothing for work, since I’m teaching summer school, so I went shopping.

Went to Torrid, and… nothing fit. It was all too big. I was like, “wow, okay, where do normal-sized people even shop at???”

Thankfully, an Old Navy was next door, so I went in, got some shirts and shorts, and thought, “okay, normally I’m an XL/16 but I dropped a little bit of weight so maybe try an L/14?” And… too big.

Excited, I grabbed some 12 pants. Still too big.

I had some body dysphoria, not gonna lie. The fact is, even if Old Navy sizes run big, I haven’t been in a 10 pant since middle school. DECADES. Looking at myself in the mirror, knowing intellectually that I am so much smaller, but not able to see past the problem areas that are still there… I still see myself as so much bigger.

But I’m not. I can run a mile in 13 minutes, nonstop, where before I did a walk/run at 14-15 minutes. I can sometimes use 10-15 pounds at OTF, instead of always using 8’s. Even if my weight isn’t decreasing, I’m changing in a good way. I really needed to see this today.

Good vibes, everyone- happy weekend!