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Okay! I don't know where to start, I guess the beginning would be a good place, but that would be a long story, so....I'll try to condense <Note that I sat TRY>. I have been overweight on and off my whole life. I was raised by a morbidly obese mother and a morbidly obese sister, who passed their poor nutrional choices onto me by feeding me a steady diet of fried eggs, with bacon AND sausage and butter loaded toast EVERY morning, lunch was for the most part provided by the school so it was pretty much the only "healthy" meal I ever ate, after school snacks were always readily available in the forms of cookies, brownies, chips, soda, and kool-aid, and dinner was either something like fried chicken with green beans (cooked in bacon grease) and mashed potatoes made with butter and sour cream or meat loaf, covered in gravy, fried okra and extra cheesy scallopped potatoes, we ALWAYS had desert - usually some type of home made cake with double scoops of ice cream. Couple that menu with the fact that on days when I came home from school crying about kids making fun of me and my weight, my mom and sister filled me with enough confidence building bullshit to make a football team with no wins feel like they could win the super bowl. (which was good, but completely blind-folding) And, I actually remember thinking that I was destined to be fat and that I was okay with that and even happy because this was how God made me.... and my family! Thankfully, in high school, I started to grow taller which lead to me becoming slender, and I started flipping so many heads that I saw the truth in the pudding~ literally! I began to realize that I could be in charge of what my body looked like and I started to consiously watch what I put in my body. I also became extremely active and I loved my new self! I vowed to never be as fat as my mother!! Shortly after high school, though I married my sweet heart, started taking birth control, and my activity level was almost non-exsistant. The pounds began to pile on, but I was married and we were so happy together, we were so comfortable that we grew fat together, because our idea of a night out on the town was wine, dinner and dessert. After five years though, and wearing a size 22, I was disgusted, but it was almost baby time for us and I didn't want to go through all the pain and suffering of dieting just to get pregnant and get fat again. I talked with my GYN and he said that b/c of my horomone levels being out of whack and my polycystic ovarian syndrome that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant without fertility treatments. My husband and I didn't want triplets or anything so we decided to wait until we were desperate and I threw myself into losing weight like a mad woman, deciding to wait at least three more years before attempting to have a baby. Before I knew it I was 45lbs thinner, and shortly after, pregnant! I was delighted, shocked and surprised! And I now have a precious little 5 year old that I would stay 330 lbs forever if it meant having him. However, I do not want to criple him with my lifestyle. After the pregnancy, I never lost the 20 -30 extra pounds and went from a size 22 pre-pregnancy to eventually a size 28! And, my vow of not being as fat as my mother was partially kept, because now, I am FATTER than both she and my sister!! I have always been very aware of what I feed my son and what foods that I allow to be available to him, but I am so disgusted with myself that I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the fat mom that sits under an umbrella at a t-ball game profusely sweating and fanning herself, wobbling to the consession stand to get an ice cream!! And I don't want him to experience the pain and torture of being embarrassed of your mother and for him to be forced to shoulder alone the ridicule of his peers. How do I know that happens? Because it happened to me, and honey, lets face it, our kids live in a much crueler world than we did. I have already had Kindergardeners tell me I was fat when I volunteered for a class trip at my son's school! I want to be the hot soccer mom that is the epidemy of health with slender tan legs, running up and down the field being my sons personal cheerleader. But moreover, I want to take my son to DisneyWorld this year and fit onto the rides with him!! In the past, I have blamed everything and everyone else for my weight, my mother and sister, their unhealthy eating habits, their essential non-endorsement of any physical activity or exercise, the birth control pills, my husband and his eating habits, malfunctioning thyroid, Cushings disease (neither of which do I have) pregnancy, a round of prednisone that I had to take! But the bottom line is that only I am resposible for making a change in my eating habits and exercise routine, only I am responsible for getting this weight off, regardless of how it got on. I turned 30 in October of '07. UUGGHH! I realized that the last ten years of my life I have been trapped in the body of a fat person. I could have done so much more, had so much more fun. But I can't look back, I just can't continue to allow my weight to rob me. And now with the "after 30, mid section fat leads to diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol" dark cloud hanging over my head, I feel like I am literally in a race with the grim reaper (and the elasticity of my skin--HAHA) So, I found a Miracle Detox in a Women's World or something. I decided that I would do it, come to find out it was the FAT FLUSH diet. I am not a big beleiver in diets, I've tried almost everyone out there, bought all the pills, all the exercise videos, and it's not about a fad, or quick fix. For me it will have to be a forever lifestyle change. But on the first day of this detox, I lost 8.4 pounds. I gained a little back when I started adding foods in but, I am losing everyday. I am now down to 319, down 7 pounds total and I am only 5 days in. I started exercising today, too. Only 15 minutes, but hey, it's a start! I am thinking about doing the detox again in a week or so, but for now I am taking it one day at a time. And I am more determined than ever to do this bitch!![/color][/color]
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