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So, I just wanted to journal my story because if ever I have a day where I lack motivation I want to read this and gain it back.
I have never been the skinniest girl on the block. I cannot remember a time where I wasn't fat. I am not sugar coating it by saying thick or juicy or plump. I was fat. Since I was a child my BMI has always been in the obese section. I never have really cared about it though. In elementary school, middle school, and high school. I used my weight as a defense mechanism. I hid behind it. Since, I knew my looks were not there I constantly relied on my personality to see me through, and boy did it see me through. (It saw me all the way through to Homecoming Court my senior year).
Now, what spawned my dis-concern with my weight. Well, when I was 16 I still hadn't started my period. This was an issue and my mother recommended I go to the gynecologist. I was hesitant at first, but I complied. I went and I go the worst news of my life. I had PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). Then that the fact that I had this disease quite possibly made me sterile. I was furious with God. He knew how much I wanted to eventually have kids. How would I explain this to the person I would eventually marry. I cried. The doctor told me that that this could be reversed if I lost some weight, but I was in too much of a bad place to even care. I just shut down and let my body control me. I was angry and hurt. So, I gained weight.
I wondered for a while where on earth I could have possible inherited this from and I asked my mom and she said it runs in my father's side. I immediately began to loathe my father. I know he couldn't help this sickness, but I look at him and he has Type II Diabetes because of his weight issues. He has sleeping problems because of his weight issues and so many other physical and mental issues all linked into his weight. It made--and still makes--me furious that he wouldn't have tried to save me from this. He knew it ran in the family. So, when I was a child why wouldn't you take as many precautions as necessary to save me from obesity.
Well, I am 19 now 20 on August 31. And a lot has changed. First off I have found comfort, faith, and encouragement in God. I know that my body is the carrier of my spirit so, I should keep it in premium shape. I know that everything that runs in my family will not have an affect on me because not only am I placing my faith in God, but I am making strides to change. My weight loss has nothing to do with weight, but it has everything to do with preparing myself for the life I want to lead. A life of vitality and adventure and joy. My weight will never limit me from what I want. Whether it be a child or a career. My weight loss is more of a loss of limitations. I was created to be apt and capable, and soon and very soon I will be there.
I lose weight for the Lord.
I lose weight for my family.
I lose weight for my future husband.
I lose weight for my future children.
I lose weight for my lifestyle.
I lose weight for me.
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