sngglebnny님의 저널, 2015년 09월 2일

I feel depressed today. I had an amazing day yesterday, and even saw myself in a snapchat that my coworker snuck of me and I looked good sitting and standing. This morning I planned to wear my polkadot shirt tucked into my highwaist skirt with a thin belt for a pop of color.

After an amazing core workout today, I got ready for my outfit. I got depressed when I still had to suck my belly in to close the skirt and it still stretched tightly over my lower tummy. I became embarrassed wondering what I looked like in it before. I got depressed wondering if I had made any progress at all. I never put the belt on and untucked my shirt for coverage.

I know I have made progress. I know I can go in any store and try on a 14 and it either fit or be too big. This time last year size 14 used to fit or be too small. I can wear a L in everything in Old Navy. I can wear a 14 even if clothes in that store run a little small.

I love that I can eat clean whole foods without worry. I know that I can see progress all over my body. I don't know, I think it's the lack of physical contact telling my brain that know one even wants to love you at this size. Oh they want to screw you, but they don't really want to hold you and melt into you, and take comfort in your soft curves.

I did get a sweaty hug from my work crush who started working out at my gym yesterday. But he's not mine, so I limit the physical contact. Sigh... It's just an unusual day; I don't normally feel like this. So I just need to acknowledge the feeling and let it pass.

Onward...