JamaicaBoundNL님의 저널, 2023년 06월 22일

I used to have those feelings and when I told my doctor about it she told me it was depression. hopefully not the same for you but it could be a possibility  

Sounds to me like you’re the people pleasing type. You should smile only when you want to, not for everyone. People pleasing is exhausting 

If things aren't okay then finding extra help to cope and process feelings might be needed. Canada wide Wellness Together has free resources https://www.wellnesstogether.ca/en-CA 

Daily. 

I was never good at make believe as a child, and even worse at it now.. what ya see is what ya get... pretense goes against my spirit. 

It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’m usually the what you see is what you get kind of person. But having been sick since the end of January because of medication, ongoing silence from neurology, no medication for over a month resulting in new and worsening symptoms, and most recently a denial of drug coverage by the government pharmaceutical division because I didn’t meet their criteria (don’t get me started on that one), I’m beat down. But, when my 84 year old mother is worried, in addition to worrying about my stage four cancer sibling and another sibling and two nieces with MS, I do what I can to help her not worry about me. Then having to keep pleasant at work and home - it’s hard. I don’t think I’m depressed in general as I’m usually upbeat. But I’m sure I’m getting there over the fact that my health and quality of life are in the hands of others and they don’t seem to care. They’ll get to me when they get to me. Besides, others are worse off than me, or so I was told by a nurse. No word of a lie. That’s what she said. I’m normally pretty strong in situations like this, but truth be told, I’m starting to run out of strong. I think I’ll check out that link @chowsr123 - thank you. And so ends my self-pitying rant. Thank you for listening. Join in tomorrow for the second instalment. 😑💜 

I see no self-pity... what I do see is real feelings and concerns... what you are describing will beat anyone down... and an fyi, your Mum worries about you anyways, Mums do that by nature. I am a tough boy and been through both sides of hell and back... but the continued loss of my ability to do anything I loved, tore my guts out, has taken me a long time to recover spiritually. Now I am trying to recover physically. It's not easy to be around people for long periods of time, without my face betraying me lolol  

As a mom, I agree 100% with Adipose, mom's worry. It's our job. It's our calling. While taking care of my terminally ill father, and my mother, who wasn't really all there during that time, I understand the mental exhaustion that all this can bring on. It's tough. And that nurse? Well, [blank] her! We are only human, and can take only so much. GL hun, and know that we are here to listen anytime. HUGS! 

Take good care of yourself. I know Alberta resources really well, but Wellness Canada is the only national service I know well enough to recommend. Our primary care networks offer free counseling and social work services, so there might be something near you. It's nice to talk to people in person. 

Folks, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me with your words of encouragement, suggestions, and the fact that you care. This is one of the top reasons as to why I am here. Thank you. 🙏💜