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This morning I woke up and I am on my period!
YAY!
I have no had one since october of 08 due to calorie deficiency. But since I have been eating whatever I want for the last 2 months and gained 20 pounds back (WHICH I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT AT ALL!) my body is able to menstruate.
I'm pretty happy, because now I know I can lose weight in a healthy way. But its actually going to be pretty hard for me to keep up with 1300 calories a day. I'm weird.
I'm either too strict or too lenient with myself.
But in other news, while my internet was not available, things were the same as always. My mom and I are getting along on-and-off. It just depends on what mood shes in, or if she is obsessed with cars, money, etc, or if she can be reasonable.
At the moment, we're getting along, but it was my dad's birthday yesterday, so, everyone was really nice to each other for his sake.
My counselor suggested I start making plans to move out. And I really, really want t because its impossible for me to achieve any of my goals living in my house! I cant lose anymore weight if I am here. My mom has me helping her all the time, she comes in and talks to me all the time, and I can never make my own routine, schedule or decisions anymore. My mom promised me I would be able to go to school in august, but now shes told me we cant afford it all because she has to trade in one of our cars. Even if she did, she could still afford it.
So i asked her if I could get a job, and she insists I shouldnt even try because no one will hire me due to the conditions of the economy.
Its always one excuse after another. I cant take it anymore. I'm seriously at my wits end, my brain is fried, and I have gained 20 pounds. The twenty pounds is the least of my problems right now and thats really saying something. Because usually, I would be absolutely distraught.
But weight loss is on the back burner. Its just way, way too stressful right now.
I feel kind of hopeless. I have no job, no money, no way of moving out of my house. But I NEED TO!
So, while my internet was shot, I started writing again out of boredom. I used to write all the time in high school because I was on the newspaper staff and my instructor was also an English teacher and taught a creative writing class. To my recollections, she thought I was a decent writer.
And then I got an idea.
I'm going to write a book. I know, I know, Its such a long shot. But I want to at least try.
I recently read "conversations with the fat girl" my Liza Palmer, and I was very inspired. It made me feel a lot better, and I told myself, "If this book gave me hope, I want to give some other silly little girl (like me) out there some hope."
Plus, maybe I can make a living out of it. We all need to pay the bills!
I sure hope so because I need change so badly. I really need to carve my own path.
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