|
Well... that was disappointing.
Today, I told myself I was not going to work out. It was ok, I worked out yesterday and today my body would be fine not going and healing a bit ( I am sore.) But, I just couldn't not go after I felt so wonderful yesterday. Oh Yesterday! You were wonderful!
I convinced myself that a 30 min. swim would be a perfect way to cap off the day. So, off I went to do just that! Go ME! I AM AWESOME!
Get to the gym. Change into suit. Walk into pool are--- MAYHEM. Teenagers every where, kids swimming and diving for rings and only 2 lanes for lap swimming.
I had a full on anxiety attack. Why? Here is why:
I remember being a chubby girl at the pool; beautiful teens standing around too cool to care about anything, but me, being chubby, in a suit, in front of them. Kids snickering between each other. Even goggles were making me self conscious, because on some level once I am in the water I feel a little invisible.
Up until now, I had only encountered ladies who were not so different from me, lovely to look at life guards- who were very quiet and didn't watch me, because I swim like a fish. Oh yeah, and the chatty one... maybe he was hitting on me? Maybe he was mentally gathering images to describe to his in shape lifeguard friends--- I don't know, but the chattiness made me aware that someone ELSE was aware of me, and I did not like that.
I decided I was going to conquer it, I was above this feeling-- I had matured and it was all in my head- which I know it is. I really really know this. So, I swim in the large area of the pool while the kids swam in the lap lanes. I did this for 5 minutes. I got out of the pool, got dressed and left. Oh and I think I was short with the front desk staff, I will have to apologize tomorrow.
I got in my car, drove home and I am fully disgusted in my reaction.
Of course, on the way home, I feel severely hungry. You know, the feeling right before you feel like you are going to throw up. I told myself I could not eat for another 30 minutes, as I feel this is just anxiety.
So here I am... not eating- not working out either. Trying to calm down, wishing I had someone I could call to tell this that would understand. So I write to my buddies here. It is almost the same.
I know this is my issue, and no one was paying me any mind- I think. But there it is, and I have to try to deal with it.
다이어트 캘린더 보기, 2011년 05월 19일:
|
1469 kcal
|
지방: 50.22g | 단백질: 115.39g | 탄수화물: 155.83g.
아침 식사: silk, kashi go lean cereal, truvia, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), silk. 점심 식사: bushs black beans, kraft 2% mexican, newmans own honey mustard, pork chop. 저녁 식사: athenos plain, kraft mexican, bushs black beans, baked tostitos, ground turkey. 간식/기타: angel food cake, light string cheese, laughing cow. 더보기
|
|
 댓글
I used to be one of those in-shape life guards and honestly I never ever talked about another person swimming no matter their shape. I personally think (and did back then too) that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Most life guards that I know are that way as well - I guess when you are subjected to so many different body shapes and sizes you don't even notice it. So I am sure Mr. Chatty life guard was being friendly and didn't run back to his buddies - and if he did shame on him. Secondly - always remember you are beautiful, no matter what. Fat, chubby, chunky, fluffy or skinny and in-shape your insides don't change just the outside suit changes. It is always hard to NOT feel like someone is judging you even if you know they probably aren't. Just remember the skinny girl that judges you will get her come-upins eventually, and her opinion doesn't matter - you know you are on your way to being a better you screw her.
2011년 05월 19일 작성이: pixidaisy
|
You're right! Most likely nobody was paying any mind...but, say if some rude, obnoxious person had it in their mind to intentionally make you feel self conscious...repeat this mantra..."who gives a rats behind what anyone else thinks, or says for that matter". I'm becoming a master of this as I get older. A pool full of teens could be annoying though. I often encounter groups of them on my bike rides, and I don't know if it's intentional, or just ignorance, but they ALWAYS (no exageration) walk right into my path. Like, they see me coming and step in my way. My daughter in-law is very young and she struggles with her weight. She suspects when anyone looks her way, that they are judging her because of her weight. I think not. Heck yeah their looking...she's gorgeous. You've made a commitment to yourself to live a healthy life. Be proud, you're doing a great job.
2011년 05월 19일 작성이: Minimizeme
|
Minimizeme, the teenagers that step in front of you are mindless and probably don't even think about it lol my 17 year old brother does it all the time and it looks like he is doing it on purpose but he just doesn't really pay attention to his surroundings. As for your daughter in-law I think we all go through the "omg they are judging me because of my weight" but you are right.. chances are they are going "OMG look how gorgeous she is".
2011년 05월 19일 작성이: pixidaisy
|
Pixidaisy, you have the most wonderful attitude and outlook on pretty much everything. If all the people of the world would look at other people the way you do...well, one can dream.
2011년 05월 26일 작성이: Minimizeme
|
| |
|
|
| |
댓글달기
이 요리법에 댓글을 다시려면 로그인해야합니다. 여기를 클릭하여 로그인하세요
|
|
|
|