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Talk about an insane weigh in this morning. Up almost 4lbs. Now I know, it can't be real but regardless, scale was not my friend this... and it was my own fault surely. I almost didn't record it because I know it isn't real, but hey, why not. Not everyday is a *cheer*. I want to remember the stinky days as well as the fantastic ones.
This weekend I found three gorgeous dresses for myself. Splurging on me isn't typical but lately I have been interested in looking nice so I have made a point to look at things, try them on, fall in love. After purchasing all three dresses and clothes for the kiddos, I went back into the store and returned 2 of the dresses I had gotten for myself. I don't really have the money to splurge on me right now, later when I do I will. Still, the one I did keep, my husband wasn't a huge fan of. It fit loosely and he used the term I refer to one dress I have (which I got on clearance because it was like $2 three or so years ago) my "Moo Moo". I wear it over my bathing suit but other than that, never in public. It's just something that just seems to drape over me. This dress I got was similar but had super cute bell sleeves which I LOVED. I liked that all the other dresses I got recently were form fitting, showing off my hips and shelf butt. (I admit, I am a bit self conscious when I wear them but hey, that's how you get used to feeling more confident in your body I am thinking...) Anywho, this morning I put it on and I liked it loose, but then, thinking of my husband, I grabbed my belt. He really liked it :) Apparently he prefers seeing my curviness. That's a win!
Over the weekend, well getting dressed for baptisms (which went awesome btw), between switching dresses, I saw myself in the mirror. I don't really look at myself, undressed or dressed too much. I have looked at myself with the new things I have bought but this time I saw myself in just my bra and underwear and wow. I stopped and was like woah. Not at all a good woah either. I had noticed when I would wear the form fitting dresses that the band of my underwear pressed in my skin, even though they aren't tight. It was like.. ugh.. it's like adding extra rolls where there aren't any! My belt seemed to bring bigger hips and butt than what is there. Like, I'm being squeezed into something too small even if it isn't. I turned around and more cellulite than I remembered as things are drooping. I am a fat bottom girl, big hips and rear end (thanks Mom!) so it's not that seeing that is out of the norm. It's that seeing things droop is like what the heck! :( I know everything is transitioning. It's like a negative positive that I just have to keep going to really appreciate.
There's this choice, droop or gain it all back and be fat and firm, bubbly. I even jiggle more than I did before, like my Granny arm wave, but everywhere. I'm totally visualizing how my hubby jiggles his belly at me to make me smile. I know it will get better.
I found a blog that made me feel like, "That's exactly what I am feeling right now!" It was a nice read. I have so much weight to lose too. It's good to feel the process and recognize it. Seeing my body changing even when the number doesn't. Things ARE happening, at the end it will all be so awesome.
http://www.escapefromobesity.net/2010/09/i-dont-like-my-melting-body.html
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