restlesshope님의 저널, 2010년 12월 15일

have been thinking a lot in the past 24 hours about just what the heck i am doing. there are so many things and catch words that i could us i could say i am at a set point or blah blah blah but the truth is i am not on program as i should be. it was easy to get bored and start playing around with my foods and that has turned to carb cravings and poor choices .i have done nothing in the past 2 months but maintain my weight, that is not what i wanted. i have accepted that i am not going to be at the weight i wanted before going home and even that is not bothering me.i am how ever totally pissed off that i have just given up on my self and what i want for my self i looked back at my journal entries and tried to find the spark that got me started and all i found was a bunch of whinning and poor pittiful me thinking nothing that i can be proud to say hey that was me i was determined and went for what i want and got it. what i found was the last 40 pounds that i have lost is just pure blind luck and my friends here cheering me on to loose and don't get me wrong i have loved my friends and will be forever in debit to them because it was their effort not mine that has taken off the weight. now its time that i take control of my self and stop sitting around whinning and learn to fight for what i want. i can no longer just wait around for what i want and expect that minimal effort will give me what i want. i need to get more active on getting where i want to be or just give up and stop waisting my time and thoughts on what could be. i got comfortable at this weight it has been where i feel ok not to fat not thin but hey i accepted it for so many years i could say hey i am a little over weight but i am not that fat i have to learn to stop settling for what is good enough to pass and tell my self i am worth the best not just what i can get by with. ok so i got into the size of jeans that i wanted but it does not mean i should stop there right? get up move on stop hiding behind my own self pitty party and get going yes i walk 3 miles a day on a treadmill so what it is only because it is easy for me now i am not striving to be better i am settling forwhat i think is an apropriate amount of work. ya know some times i wonder about me not the person that i would like to be not willing to give 100% only what i need to get by and then i can cry about it and say see it just didn't work for me but the thing is IT didn't fail I failed by not being willing to put the work in to be what i want.i think this really has nothing to do with my weight but more with my whole life . i have always felt that i was luke warm there for worth of being spit out. if i don't like the way i describe my self then the only person to change that is me.

83.5 kg 지금까지 감소한: 18.6 kg.    남은양: 15.4 kg.    다이어트 실행도: 합리적.

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1020 kcal

지방: 69.13g | 단백질: 88.44g | 탄수화물: 10.65g.   아침 식사: coffee, Water, heavy whipping cream. 점심 식사: eggs, tuna, hellmanns mayonnais, mt olive dill relish, kraft delux american cheese. 저녁 식사: parm cheese, butter, zucchini, Chicken. 더보기

2572 kcal

운동: kettlebell - 20 분, 걷기 (운동) - 5.5km/h - 1 시간   30 분, 휴식 - 14 시간   10 분, 숙면 - 8 시간. 더보기