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Reasons I hate my Hometown
I miss Thompson a lot sometimes, maybe if only by an instinctual yearning for home. I’m 2,522 or more KMs away from where I grew up at any given time, but sometimes when I talk to people from there, it feels like I’m right back there again. I don’t keep in touch with too many people from there, I have about three friends that I talk to on a regular basis, and lots of others that I would love to have a drink with. Only three that I might consider close/best friends.
It’s been 7 years since I left Thompson. I left because I felt like I couldn’t reinvent myself. Everyone there knew me as a certain way, a certain type of person, and that person they thought I was was a bit of an act anyway. I didn’t want to drink all the time, I didn’t want to be easy.
I went to WInnipeg first, then moved west to BC, and was able to be whoever I wanted, and learned I’m a very sweet person, who maybe tries too hard to make people comfortable at the expense of my own self-respect. Explains the easy reputation, at any rate. 7 years I have been myself, and checked in every so often with the 3 people I cared about most, just to let them know I was alright. And, a few hardships aside, I’ve been alright and I’ve done my best to be a good person and be completely true to myself despite my lack of confidence and self-esteem, at times.
Last week, I was having a bit of a issue (which if you read an earlier entry, you know what i'm talking about, but I really needed a female who had been through a similar thing to talk to. I chose to talk to two of my closest (and really, only) female friends about it. One, escaped like me to BC and, also like me, has shed most of her Thompson-related habits, and the other still lives in my hometown. It was so nice to be able to talk to someone openly and honestly about what was going on.
Last night, the one from Thompson texted me and asked me to call them as they were having a party and missed me. How odd, that they missed me when we talk so rarely. It was her and the other 2 people I actually care about. As I was talking on the phone with one, she texted me saying “He knows about whats going on with you.” meaning she had told my closest male friend the extremely personal problem I was facing. Just shamelessly texted me that.
WHY would she do that? She knew how hard it was for me to talk about anything difficult in the first place. Why would that possibly seem like an acceptable thing to do? I feel completely betrayed, and also sort of just exhausted at the whole thing. That IS Thompson. That’s why I left. You might go unnoticed for years at a time, but the moment anything happens to you that is tough or noteworthy, it’s front page news. Suddenly it’s something to talk about, because talking about getting drunk last night was getting boring. It’s only in Thompson that I’ve ever seen such a voracious appetite for the hardship of your ‘friends’ and acquaintances.
No one cares that I have managed to support and take care of myself for the past 7 years. No one cares that I have a career that I love and that I’ve seen so many wonderful places since I left. No one cares that I’ve gotten in shape, gained confidence, learned to love myself. They care when I fail. When I fail, that’s interesting. When I fail, their miserable existence seems a bit brighter. It’s disgusting, and if, in my whole life, the only thing I accomplished is leaving that cesspool, I will have succeeded.
다이어트 캘린더 보기, 2010년 09월 26일:
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1447 kcal
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지방: 58.28g | 단백질: 126.54g | 탄수화물: 105.09g.
아침 식사: olive oil, boneless skinless chicken breast, egg. 저녁 식사: Salsa, Spicy Nacho Tortilla Chips. 간식/기타: greek yogurt. 더보기
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